Only now I realise that growing up means having to see the uglier side of the world. There’s no one you can really trust, there’s no fairytale, there’s no perfection. Maybe it’s all my fault, I’ve been shielding myself from the ‘real’ world, and now it has become too much to take. I used to believe in the good of people, the beauty of the world, the sanctity of marriage, and the value of purity and innocence. But now I’ve come to realise that everything is not what I thought it is, nothing is sure, and everything comes with a horrible ugky truth. A small part of me still wants to believe, but I do not know whether I have anymore courage to do so, when it seems so much easier to just build a wall and protect myself.
Why do I feel like, no matter what stance I take, I am always alone?
过后我们在Whatsapp讨论你什么时候应该辞职。当时你告诉我你的老板在试图令你因内疚而多留几个月，我说了一句‘好来好去’，你烦躁了，不停跟我解释你的原因，你说你怕我把你看成an irresponsible asshole。
有一次，在我飞往澳洲前几个晚上，你熄了灯，在床上静静抱着我，说谢谢，谢谢我总是那么包容你的脾气。那一刻，我觉得一切都是值得的。你其中一个最吸引我的地方，就是你总是想着让自己进步。你说这个世界上，只有我put up with your crap。我没有觉得委屈，我真的爱你，我真的喜欢包容你，我喜欢爱你。
Welcome to Australia, my beloved.
You are right.
We should look into the future. Make goals, achieve them.
I should not be looking at the present. Because I am wasting time waiting.
The closer you look, the lesser you see.
When you talked to me about our goals that you could see us achieving within the next 5 years, I realised that I did not envision that our future together could be so exciting, so dynamic, and so extraordinary.
It makes me want to live on. It makes me want to walk the path with you more than ever. It makes me see clearly that this state that we are in is but only a temporary situation. It will pass.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. You still have space for your own personal growth. I would never want to tamper with that. That dimension remains fully and completely your own.
Thank you for inspiring me.
Back in this little hole again.
Why is it so hard to say goodbye…
Why is it so impossible to want to touch you.
How long still do we have to wait? To be separated by a vast ocean…
Hold on girl… Hold on…
Come on, processing people… Live and let love already…
Hold on girl… Hold on to it.
I know you are lonely, frustrated, running out of patience…
That day will come, and both of you will finally live together, happily ever after.
There is no such thing as giving up here, this is true love, and you know it, he knows it.
He is always there for you. Even when you are not physically together, he thinks of you all the time, everyday.
Be strong, be patient. You will be okay. Both of you will be okay.
It can only get better, it can only get closer to the day for both of you to unite.
Patience, my dear. Patience is beauty, patience is a virtue.
Being patient is living up to your name.
Be strong, be patient. You can do this. You have him, and he has you.
That day will come.
Seems like it has passed 100 days.
Seems like there will be a few more 100 days.
Seems like it is not just us who are tormented by physical separation. Everyone has a situation, a story, and each is as captivating as the other.
I have always been told that good things come to those who wait. And blessings come to those who pray.
I have waited and I have prayed. But it seems like I will need to do more of them.
I am glad that this is two-way; I am not doing this alone.
Thank you for being there when I need patience and strength.
I have more of the former than the latter, and you vice versa.
I am sure that is one of the reasons why we are so compatible.
I wish we have a story so compelling that it would melt people’s hearts and reduce people to tears, but we do not. We are just another normal couple, albeit very much in love and very much wanting to be with each other. And without a sob-story-of-the-century, we can only patiently wait for our turn.
All we want is to be together, and start our lives as one. All we want is to live our lives as husband and wife, undivided by the vast ocean that is currently in-between us. Literally.
How much longer do we have to wait…?