我真爱你

等了那么久,终于等到了你的visa approval。收到Rhys寄来的email的时候,我是开心得笑出声来。

过后我们在Whatsapp讨论你什么时候应该辞职。当时你告诉我你的老板在试图令你因内疚而多留几个月,我说了一句‘好来好去’,你烦躁了,不停跟我解释你的原因,你说你怕我把你看成an irresponsible asshole。

我又怎么会如此看你…

有时候,我觉得自己不是一个称职的妻子。我老是一个不小心就惹你生气。我明明知道你不是一个脾气好的人,为什么我就是那么笨,总是一次又一次惹你生气,而且老实说,我每次都是无心的,每次回想,才反省:哦,你遭遇这样这样,我就不应该这样这样说…

我总是在小心翼翼、总是不停地反省,一直到有一天我告诉自己,不能够再宠你了,我不想你因为你的脾气,在外面被人讨厌。我纵然可以一次又一次的原谅你,可是外面的世界不会。我不想我最爱的人,在外面被人说话。

有一次,在我飞往澳洲前几个晚上,你熄了灯,在床上静静抱着我,说谢谢,谢谢我总是那么包容你的脾气。那一刻,我觉得一切都是值得的。你其中一个最吸引我的地方,就是你总是想着让自己进步。你说这个世界上,只有我put up with your crap。我没有觉得委屈,我真的爱你,我真的喜欢包容你,我喜欢爱你。

认识你越深,就看见你的童年时多么的不开心。缺爱的孩子,长大成人,就变成一个火气大的男人。我知道自己并不是你所喜欢的第一个女生,可是我希望自己是在你心目中那个最重要的,不管你以前有多爱其他女生,我希望自己在你心目中是第一名,没有人能够比得上的第一名,就像文德皇后在唐太宗心里的位置。

也许你不明白一个男生在一个女生心目中的地位。男人有事业、爱好,女生当然也有,可是有了感情,男生其实就变成了女生的半边天。有时候从你的角度看,我实在无缘无故发脾气,其实我每次发脾气,就是因为我渴望你的注意力。我记得你说过:“跟你在一起有时候真的烦的要死,可是我爱你”。从那一刻起,我就努力不让自己烦你,就算自己有多想你,忍忍过了就好。

我真的很开心,你就快来和我一起过生活了,我们终于可以向前走了。我答应你,会小心不让你发脾气,只希望你对我就多那么一点点温柔和疼爱… 一点点就好。其实你每次放下身段使劲逗我笑,我是知道的,我很感动,只是不说出来。

我的丈夫,我爱你。我真的彻底真心、实实切切的爱你。愿我们的未来,是充满欢笑的。我们终于都等到了 :)

Published in: on February 2, 2015 at 9:05 PM  Leave a Comment  

Finally

Welcome to Australia, my beloved.

Published in: on February 2, 2015 at 8:13 PM  Leave a Comment  

容我忧郁

虽然是很cliche的一句话,但是我还是要说:时间真的过得很快。

转眼间,我们分开了一个星期。对别人而言,这一个星期可能平平无奇,可是对我们来说,就是又一个没有进展的星期。

我俩都是爱笑爱说笑的人。在人前,我们总是嬉皮笑脸,乐天派的一副模样。

因为我们没说,人家就当我们没事。

只有我俩知道,那种苦苦相思的感觉是有多寂寞无助。

只有我俩知道,每次晚上熄了灯,一个人爬上双人床的感觉。

辗转难眠,原来是夜太静。原来习惯了你占据床位。

原来想你在身边。

当你告诉我,你“需要”和我在一起,你“应该”和我在一起,我同意你的话。我也需要你、也应该有你在身边。

我想,还有成千上万的人比我俩更凄惨的吧。至少我俩还活着。还有信念,还有希望。

我俩一定要活着。和你迫不得已分开了,才开始知道怕死。

一定等到的。

我俩一定等到一起在新西兰观星的那个晚上。到时候,我俩各一张棉被,紧紧相依,在帐篷外,观叹着造物者那布满群星的夜晚。我俩总会等到那个晒月光晒星辰的晚上。

这个星期过了,没关系。也许时辰未合适。把希望寄托在下个星期。也许,下个星期,我俩的梦就开门了。

Published in: on January 31, 2015 at 12:34 AM  Leave a Comment  

Now We See Us

You are right.

We should look into the future. Make goals, achieve them.

I should not be looking at the present. Because I am wasting time waiting.

The closer you look, the lesser you see.

When you talked to me about our goals that you could see us achieving within the next 5 years, I realised that I did not envision that our future together could be so exciting, so dynamic, and so extraordinary.

It makes me want to live on. It makes me want to walk the path with you more than ever. It makes me see clearly that this state that we are in is but only a temporary situation. It will pass.

Please don’t take this the wrong way. You still have space for your own personal growth. I would never want to tamper with that. That dimension remains fully and completely your own.

Thank you for inspiring me.

Published in: on January 26, 2015 at 1:05 AM  Leave a Comment  

Back Again

Back in this little hole again.

Why is it so hard to say goodbye…

Why is it so impossible to want to touch you.

How long still do we have to wait? To be separated by a vast ocean…

Hold on girl… Hold on…

Come on, processing people… Live and let love already…

Published in: on January 24, 2015 at 12:35 AM  Leave a Comment  

A Little Encouragement to Myself

Hold on girl… Hold on to it.

I know you are lonely, frustrated, running out of patience…

That day will come, and both of you will finally live together, happily ever after.

There is no such thing as giving up here, this is true love, and you know it, he knows it.

He is always there for you. Even when you are not physically together, he thinks of you all the time, everyday.

Be strong, be patient. You will be okay. Both of you will be okay.

It can only get better, it can only get closer to the day for both of you to unite.

Patience, my dear. Patience is beauty, patience is a virtue.

Being patient is living up to your name.

Be strong, be patient. You can do this. You have him, and he has you.

That day will come.

Published in: on September 16, 2014 at 1:11 PM  Leave a Comment  

Patience and Strength

Seems like it has passed 100 days.

Seems like there will be a few more 100 days.

Seems like it is not just us who are tormented by physical separation. Everyone has a situation, a story, and each is as captivating as the other.

I have always been told that good things come to those who wait. And blessings come to those who pray.

I have waited and I have prayed. But it seems like I will need to do more of them.

I am glad that this is two-way; I am not doing this alone.

Thank you for being there when I need patience and strength.

I have more of the former than the latter, and you vice versa. 

I am sure that is one of the reasons why we are so compatible.

I wish we have a story so compelling that it would melt people’s hearts and reduce people to tears, but we do not. We are just another normal couple, albeit very much in love and very much wanting to be with each other. And without a sob-story-of-the-century, we can only patiently wait for our turn.

All we want is to be together, and start our lives as one. All we want is to live our lives as husband and wife, undivided by the vast ocean that is currently in-between us. Literally.

How much longer do we have to wait…?

Published in: on August 25, 2014 at 11:48 PM  Leave a Comment  

Till the Next Embrace

Separated for 3 months

United for 6 days.

Here comes another 4 months

Sometimes, I do not understand where my courage comes from.

Published in: on August 1, 2014 at 4:31 PM  Leave a Comment  

Lovely Words

 

I carry your heart with me

I carry it in my heart

 

I am never without it

Anywhere I go, you go, my dear

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling

 

I fear no fate

for you are my fate, my sweet

I want no world

for, beautiful, you are my world

and it is you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing – is you

 

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

here is the root of the root

and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky

of a tree called life

which grows higher than soul can hope

or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that is keeping the stars apart

 

I carry your heart

I carry it in my heart

Published in: on July 22, 2014 at 12:57 AM  Leave a Comment  

Be Strong

It’s ok baby for you to feel

Take as much time as you need to heal

You wonder why you break down and cry

Let your tears go by

Just break down and cry

Published in: on July 20, 2014 at 11:51 PM  Leave a Comment  
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