There was a quote that I found somewhere, which I really really liked: “Those who mind, don’t matter; and those who matter, don’t mind”.
It pretty much sums up what I should learn for the rest of my life. For years and years I might have been thinking too much of those who don’t matter. And I think a lot of times I’ve also forgotten about those who actually matter, because I felt that I could always go back to them.
But… What if those that I thought don’t matter actually do matter? Like one of my lecturers, who said my English grammar was “so bad that she’s distracted from reading properly”, I thought she don’t matter and therefore I shouldn’t take her harsh comments too seriously, but what if she does matter? She’s one of the most powerful person in the Australian music education field, what if I can’t get a job just because of her? What if I have to succumb to pleasing her just to earn a living?
And as for those who DO matter… Sigh, do they really not mind? I don’t know anymore. Seems like I have so much expectation to live up to. The good girl, the good daughter, the good friend, the good student, the good granddaughter, the good girlfriend, the good sister, the good teacher… I love the praises, I worked hard for them, but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to run away from everything.
If, just if, that there is no pressure at all from relatives and such, I’d be back home now, teaching piano at Sri Petaling, learning how to drive again, save up for a car, be with friends and family everyday…
I’ve seen half of the whole wide world, but the more I look at what’s happening, the more I read or watch the news, the more I watch movies about brutality, violence and terror, I just wanna shrink into nothingness.