Yurii, Lara and Tonia

It wasn’t in my initial plan to attend the musical. The only reason I went is because it is a well-known love story, and by sheer luck I got tickets that are 60% cheaper than the original price.

I remember playing a theme from Dr Zhivago a long long time ago when I just started learning piano for a few years. I knew nothing about the story, all I pictured in my mind was harsh Russian winter and long, glamorous white fur coats.

I didn’t know that it is about a story where a man and a woman found true love after getting married. I didn’t know that the song ‘Now’ would remind me so much of you that I was almost moved to tears.

And now, I need to tell you now, I need to tell you how you make me feel…

The musical really got me thinking.

What if, we are what we are now, because we walk only along the paths that were carved out for us?

We are born.
We attend kindergartens, primary schools, secondary schools, colleges, universities.
We learn how to communicate, and to hide things.
We look for a job.
We look for a person to love.
We marry the person who is willing to love us back.
We have children.
We achieve success in our careers.
We retire.
We grow old.
We die.

I wonder if you knew, every time we met I was trembling inside…

What if, amongst all that well laid-out schedule, something unexpected turns up, like the night Lara stormed into Yurii’s life without warning and intention?

What if, amongst all that well-planned timetable, something comes too early, too late, like the night Lara and Yurii bumped to each other in the rain, like the day they met up unexpectedly at the war camp?

What if, amongst all the well-paved program, something arrives and threatens all that is calm, all that is planned, all that is meant to be?

And now, the only time is now, the time to tell you how I need you near…

Would that be the Devil’s attempt to seduce us off our paths, or would that be our once-in-a-blue-moon chance to break free from what is destined for us?

And should the answer be the latter, how many of us would have the courage to steer away from what everyone thought is ‘the right way’?

No matter where you hide, love finds you…

My life was like a well paved road. No surprises, no bumps, nothing out of the extraordinary. I have a common surname, a common name, a common face, a common height, a common attitude, a common yearn for someone whom I have waited for more than 10 years. And then, unexpectedly, you came into my life, dangerous, rebellious, fresh, different and uninvited.

I thought I finally had the chance to break free from what I perceive as a typical life. The 99 days that you were in my life, I had never been happier. I thought, this is it, this will change my life forever. I didn’t care that being with you would mean that I will forever stay in a small town, living a mediocre life, because with you, the most mediocre things turn into adventure and passion.

Until the day you left.

You left the way you came: no warning and no invitation. For a moment I thought God had pulled a cruel joke on me, to have waited for you more than 10 years and then let me have you, only to take you away from me after.

One day should I meet God face to face, I will ask Him what His intentions are when he did this to me. To us.

And I don’t know if you’ve ever feel this way, but I have to say what I have to say…

I only had the courage to break free once. Without you, I have lost all bravery to stand for what I thought was true love.

Where are you now? Are you happy? Are you well? No matter where you might be now, I only wish that you are in peace, and you are happy.

There is no need to worry about me, all I need is time to make me forget.

I love you, and I need to tell you now…

Published in: on April 1, 2011 at 12:15 PM  Leave a Comment  

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